He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
