I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just had sex bonerless
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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