She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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