it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
