I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
