Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
