youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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