Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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