i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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