Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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