wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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