It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
