I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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