I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
