My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
