OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We got so high we made milksteak
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
