Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
