I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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