I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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