Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
