you guys were way drunker than both of me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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