I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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