Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
