how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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