Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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