Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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