3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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