I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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