shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
