dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Randomize
