I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
