i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
