The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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