She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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