Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
