I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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