then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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