if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
