dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
