JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
