dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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