Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
