I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
