I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
