I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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