I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
