I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Please, let me fuck your mom
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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