At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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