how can u be prego again
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
