Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
