Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
