Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
