We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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