I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
