Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
