it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
