it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
